Men and Women...Husbands and Wives

A while back, I had a conversation with my language teacher about the relationship between a husband and wife here. My language teacher also helps me learn about the culture here, and often asks questions about culture in the US. Of course, all of this conversing is done in French, which helps with my language acquisition.

Let me explain a little about the way an African household works, or maybe I should say a Muslim African household. The man takes care of the woman by providing for her physical needs--a place to live, clothes to wear, gives her money to buy the food she will prepare, and if they have children he provides for the children as well. It is the woman's responsibility to raise the children completely. They are to see that the children are educated and disciplined. Most of their time is spent taking care of the house and taking care of the children. The man does not spend time with the children (in general) nor does he get involved in disciplining them unless they are annoying him. It is the man's responsibility, however, to teach the boys how to be a man. This, of course, occurs a little later, as the boy grows up and is becoming a man.

This is also one of the main reasons that women are not formally educated here. The parents believe that because the woman will stay at home and raise the children and clean the house, she has no need to be able to read at all or speak various languages. Most of the women in the market here only speak Bambara because of their lack of education, while the men usually speak 3 languages and sometimes more.

In this particular conversation that I had with my teacher, about how husbands and wives relate to one another here, I learned some very interesting things. My question that started the discussion was, "Why is it ok for husbands to hit their wives here?"

My teacher explained that in African culture, the man takes a wife understanding that it is his responsibility to "train" her to behave appropriately in the home and in society. In general, most men here marry women who are much younger than them. It is not uncommon for a 17 year old girl to be living with, but not married to, a man who is 10+ years older than her. She does this, to be taken care of, but also to be "trained". Mind you, he is not teaching her how to clean the house or prepare food, that should have been done by her mother, but he is teaching her how to relate to him appropriately and how to make him look good in society.

So, if the woman does not do what is appropriate in the house, it is the man's responsibility to "train" her somewhat like a child. Here when children are disciplined, it is done through yelling and hitting. Not spanking...hitting. There is a very big difference between the two things. This idea of hitting for the purpose of "training" is carried over from African culture before Islam, but is condoned/encouraged by Islam in the Koran as well, according to my teacher who is Muslim.

Yesterday, as I taught my Bible study, a women came in who had a black eye. I found out during prayer time that it was her husband who had given it to her. Although, that situation is not common here, at least I haven't seen huge bruising and such, the thinking behind it is acceptable. There are many problems with marriages in the US, even in the church, although different than here, they have the same solution.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. (ESV)

My only hope, and the hope of the world

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith." (Romans 1:16-17)

The past several weeks have been filled with lots of sharing of the gospel, and much disappointment and frustration. It has been difficult at times to not just give up and decide to walk away. Last year, a year ago last month to be exact, I sold my house in America, then my car and many of my earthly possessions and made various moves to come to a place where I knew many had never heard the gospel before. I did all of that because I truly believe that without faith in Christ, the punishment after death will be one of torment and anguish that I cannot begin to fathom, and I want to know that those who have never had the opportunity to believe at least have a chance to hear the good news.

I have become friends with a group of people in a neighborhood near my home. Truly these people have become my family and are very dear to me. One person in particular has always seemed to be very close to accepting Christ, but recently he told me that he cannot follow the Isa (Jesus) way because he would lose all of his family.

Many here eagerly listen to stories about Isa, and love the stories from God's Word. In fact, the people I speak with are always eager to hear more. However, when asked what they think about the Isa way or about Isa, they generally say, "He is a very good teacher, and a wonderful prophet, but really you just choose a path and follow it sincerely and you will be fine." Another woman in her 60's recently told me, "Christianity and Islam are the same. We serve the same God. It is all ok."

Hearing these words and seeing the faces of people that I love turning away has been increasingly painful and at times I have wanted to shake them and make them believe. At other times, I have wanted to throw up my hands, agreeing with the disciples when they said to Jesus, "Who then can be saved?" as the rich young ruler turned away from Christ. Jesus' response was very simple, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matt. 19:25-26) I have been reminded by the Word, over and over again, that this has nothing to do with me. I cannot change a man's heart; I can't even change my own heart. It is all by grace, from first to last.

Jesus said, "It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is of no avail. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. But there are some of you who do not believe...This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father." (John 6:63-65) Jesus said of the Spirit, "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." (John 3:8)

At times, I want to control the Spirit, tell Him where to go, when to move, how to respond, but He cannot be controlled by me (which is a good thing by the way) and you never know when He might move in a mighty way. I do not know how this all works, it is a great mystery, but one thing is sure, I fully believe and stake my life on the fact that the gospel of Christ is the power of God for the salvation of all who believe. Without that, there is no hope.

One more scripture that I have been reminded of vividly recently is, "Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him." (Ps. 126:5-6) As you pray for the people here, pray for the work of the Spirit, and for diligence in sowing, trusting that God will do all He says He will do.