A while back, I had a conversation with my language teacher about the relationship between a husband and wife here. My language teacher also helps me learn about the culture here, and often asks questions about culture in the US. Of course, all of this conversing is done in French, which helps with my language acquisition.
Let me explain a little about the way an African household works, or maybe I should say a Muslim African household. The man takes care of the woman by providing for her physical needs--a place to live, clothes to wear, gives her money to buy the food she will prepare, and if they have children he provides for the children as well. It is the woman's responsibility to raise the children completely. They are to see that the children are educated and disciplined. Most of their time is spent taking care of the house and taking care of the children. The man does not spend time with the children (in general) nor does he get involved in disciplining them unless they are annoying him. It is the man's responsibility, however, to teach the boys how to be a man. This, of course, occurs a little later, as the boy grows up and is becoming a man.
This is also one of the main reasons that women are not formally educated here. The parents believe that because the woman will stay at home and raise the children and clean the house, she has no need to be able to read at all or speak various languages. Most of the women in the market here only speak Bambara because of their lack of education, while the men usually speak 3 languages and sometimes more.
In this particular conversation that I had with my teacher, about how husbands and wives relate to one another here, I learned some very interesting things. My question that started the discussion was, "Why is it ok for husbands to hit their wives here?"
My teacher explained that in African culture, the man takes a wife understanding that it is his responsibility to "train" her to behave appropriately in the home and in society. In general, most men here marry women who are much younger than them. It is not uncommon for a 17 year old girl to be living with, but not married to, a man who is 10+ years older than her. She does this, to be taken care of, but also to be "trained". Mind you, he is not teaching her how to clean the house or prepare food, that should have been done by her mother, but he is teaching her how to relate to him appropriately and how to make him look good in society.
So, if the woman does not do what is appropriate in the house, it is the man's responsibility to "train" her somewhat like a child. Here when children are disciplined, it is done through yelling and hitting. Not spanking...hitting. There is a very big difference between the two things. This idea of hitting for the purpose of "training" is carried over from African culture before Islam, but is condoned/encouraged by Islam in the Koran as well, according to my teacher who is Muslim.
Yesterday, as I taught my Bible study, a women came in who had a black eye. I found out during prayer time that it was her husband who had given it to her. Although, that situation is not common here, at least I haven't seen huge bruising and such, the thinking behind it is acceptable. There are many problems with marriages in the US, even in the church, although different than here, they have the same solution.
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. (ESV)
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